Hello, and thanks for joining Your Body Advocate podcast. I am Ruth Cummings, your host, and today I’m interviewing my friend Lexi Suos, who’s a therapist and a growth strategist, and we talk about three of her five orders of systems for families. Today we talk about the order of Belong. Precedence and reciprocity.

It’s a really fun conversation. I hope you enjoy it. Let’s take a deep breath to relax. Ready?

All right, here we go. You’re listening to your body advocate, telling your body’s side of the story, the podcast dedicated to supporting and improving your body mind connection so you can live a pain-free, passion filled life. Dissolving one body tension at a. Discover the healing properties of your own body language, and together let’s explore ways to support and improve essential self-talk.

Now here’s your host, master of Encouragement and Body Mind, life coach Ruth Cummings.

Lexi Suos is a therapist and growth strategist who helps. Clear old patterns so they can reach their next level business relationship and life goals. Over the past 20 years, she has supported thousands of clients and students across five continents, including New York Time bestselling authors. C-suite executives, celebrity families, leading business coaches, and renowned healers.

Her work has been featured in Forbes, the Huffington Post, thrive Global, and Ome Times. Lexi lives in the mountains of North Carolina with her husband, stepson, and pack of oddball rescue dogs. . Welcome, Lexi. How are you? I’m great, Ruth. Thanks for having me. I’m really excited about this conversation. I know I love what you do and I know that you can help and bring so much to our listening audience.

So yeah, where would you like to start? We have so much to talk about and so much to start with, so you get to choose. What would you like to talk about today? Well, something that I think could be a really interesting conversation for us to have specifically because of the kind of work that you do as well, has to do with structure and flow.

So one of the modalities that I use to help my clients is something called family and systemic constellation therapy, and that’s a lot of big. To say that we are working with the deeper levels of systems and particularly family systems, and what we see is that on those deeper levels, so like on the unconscious level of the family system, we see certain phenomena that are present in every single family over and over and over again, and those phenomena indicate certain natural laws.

That enable love to flow. So there, there are three particular kind of natural laws or orders that we see in the unconscious of family systems that when those are in place and being honored and respected properly, we see that love flows in a family system. Everyone has what they. To thrive. Everyone has a place of belonging.

Everyone feels loved and supported in a family, so I’m excited to see how, you know, some of what we see in the family system to do with structure and flow might be similar to the work that you do somatically with your clients and with the structure of the body enabling health and vitality to flow.

No, that’s, they go to, they go together. So, well, it’s interesting you say systems because like we were talking about earlier, there’s, in my opinion, there’s ways, there’s systems that we aren’t really taught and we have to learn, but we learn from our parents and often they weren’t taught either. So there’s these, these bad ways, I don’t wanna say bad, but I can’t think of another word.

That we go through life and one of them is, Mm, how we how our body walks and runs and just our structure. It’s not quite, we’ve never been taught. And so it’s not like it’s wrong. It’s not our fault, but there’s this interesting way that we can learn how to do it wrong and then we do that way through the rest of our lives.

And so, as a massage therapist, through the years, I have learned that the system of walking, very simple system of walking Could have changed people’s pain and suffering if they had learned that earlier. So that’s just one system. But let’s look at system of communication. System of finances.

You know, kids aren’t really taught how to, I’m, I’m working with, you know, 25 year olds who have never written a check, for example, or they don’t know how to keep how to keep a balance of their, of their finances and just simple things that were not taught in our society. And I think. , you know, having simple systems is huge, simple systems, but they’re huge for all of us.

And yeah. So what type of systems do you recommend and yeah, how would you, how would you, how would you suggest and what systems would you suggest? Well, when I use the word systems, what I’m talking about is a group of individuals. And what we see with families as to that well is that there is an intelligent.

Field of energy that is containing the entire family system. And we can see that field of energy at work, Ruth, when we’re looking at schools of fish or flocks of birds. And they all change direction at the same time and no one’s hitting into each other. And they’ve done studies to show that those movements of direction change happened so fast there, there couldn’t possibly be a communication happening in time.

To tell everyone in that flock or in that school of fish where to go. So they, they’ve shown that there’s some kind of an intelligent force at work moving them all as one organism. And we see the same kind of thing happening in groups of people. And it’s particularly strong in family systems and groups of people in the same.

and it, and that system includes ancestors. So it can include people whether we were alive when they were, you know, whether we knew them or not. But we’re incredibly impacted by the other members of our family system. You know, I, I love that we’re going this direction because I talk about the, the fish moving at the same time and how you can’t tell.

Like this one over here in a hundred yards away. This one moves at the same time and it’s so amazing. That is Lexi, how the body works as well, because you can see I was giving a demonstration just on Thursday in a massage class and some trauma had happened in the class and the class is actually canceled.

So we were working on. Just individually just trying to give them some support. And we were working with one of the students and he was saying negative things about himself and I was showing the students how there was a, a knot in his shoulder. And as soon as, as soon as the second that he said some positive things about himself, that muscle.

Wow. And it’s the same thing like that. Not only will that muscle relax, but other muscles relax. Unfortunately, the next statement he said was negative again, and it came back. So there’s a, the system definitely works. Just it’s such a flow of energy and it’s, it’s just amazing and I don’t think we understand it very, very well, but we’re getting there.

But the, the good thing to notice and how people out there can change their lives immediately, right. Is by having positive thoughts about themselves and then that can flow throughout their entire body. Definitely. Yeah. That’s beautiful. I love how, you know, what you just shared really illustrates the intelligence in these organic systems, right?

It’s like he had a positive thought and the tension was able to go, and when the negativity returned, the intelligence of the body. Just came online immediately and reflected that thought for him. It, it, it’s interesting because I, I can see now as we’re talking about, like, you’re talking about family systems and I’m talking about just one body, but that goes definitely is felt energetically throughout a, a, a family for in, in this example.

But let’s say that you one, so the body, so he has a good thought and the body relaxes for. Ten second period, and then when he has a negative thought, the whole, the protective armor comes back. And I see that, and I, I would love your take on this, that there, there are people who in a family setting who protect the family.

And I think there’s also different parts of our own body that protects the family or like our family as a body and our family as a whole. And so in that, in that time you are, when you’re protective like that, you’re not as your, your immune system comes down, your ability to communicate, love goes down, your ability to receive love goes down.

And so there’s the system of just. Staying as protected as possible, but it’s not it’s not as free and flowing as we want it to be because we could, we could access such power and such compassion for each other. That’s so easy to communicate and share if our defenses are down. All of us are in this defensive mode because of our society and things that we’ve gone through as children and what our ancestors have gone through and what we learn through our generations.

And then so I think both of us we’re on a mission to really support us. To be somatically calm, but energetically strong. And if you can, if you can find the middle ground of allowing your body to relax, but still be as strong as possible without going like this. And I think our society has not, has lost the, the ability to calm down but be energetically protected.

What, what say to you. Yeah, yeah, definitely. You know, and I’m working on such deep levels with people like the unconscious of the family system. And then I also do a form of therapy that involves unconscious of a person, like it’s called hakomi therapy. And involves really dealing with the unc.

From what we have lived through in our own lives and what we, what I see is that when we’re working on levels that deep typically the protection is there for a reason. You know, and it is, it’s creating, it’s there because of love for. The organism, love for the system, trying to keep things safe. And because there was a danger at one point.

And the part of us that is in hyper protective mode is having trouble letting go because it doesn’t know, oh, things are safe and we can let that armor go right now. And when we actually give We actually give attention for a few moments anyway to, and we give support to that protective mechanism. So like you made a motion with your body where you tend stop your shoulders and everything.

Yeah, so what we would do in Hakomi is we would actually have an assistant come and hold the person tight to take over. That bracing, and then you’ll watch the person just totally relax. It’s like that, that armoring, that protective mechanism is happening so they don’t have to hold it, and then they can like relax and now they can have memories and new awarenesses come to them.

Oh, I love that. Yes. That’s what I do in my sessions too, is to hold people. In, in the position where their, their body feels safe. And, but have them do that without the body being tense. And that’s so, that’s so cool that we’re doing that at the same time with people. And, you know, if I lost my thought. I thought I was gonna, so tell me more about Hi Comey.

Hi. Yeah, so it’s a really gentle body-centered psychotherapy is how it was described initially, but now it’s really described as assisted self-study. So it’s really supporting someone to study themself from a place of love and curiosity. And we use experiments and mindfulness. So for example, with that situation of someone like holding somebody’s body up nice and.

The person who’s bracing themselves, and, and we take over that bracing movement. If the person studies themselves while that’s happening, then they’re able to see like, oh God, I feel relief. Or Oh God, I feel, or I have a memory come up of when I was young and my dad was in the kitchen yelling, banging pots and pans, whatever, you know.

So really that that level of studying ourselves, Unearths so much information that oftentimes has just kind of gone underground and has become part of our operating system. But it’s really hard to access through conscious means. So when you get into that state where you’re doing the self-study and you have support for whatever’s happening in your body, so much information comes and you can really go to some deep healing places.

Yeah. And I, I love that. That’s definitely re resonating over here. And you know, for me, I believe when we’re doing that, when we’re doing that for people and for ourselves doing that self-study as you call it, I love that, that word, I believe that there’s a, there’s a a search for safety and when we can find that safety and match, match safety with body relaxation.

Then I think whole new levels of living can, can blossom. How, how do you, how do you feel about that? Yeah, totally. I mean, you know, I remember my first teacher telling me, my first Hakomi teacher telling me that no healing could happen. Like no ther nothing therapeutic, nothing. Helpful would happen without safety.

Safety in the session is the number one thing that has to be established. And if safety’s not there, nothing like helpful for the client is gonna come out of it. So yeah, I really feel like that is key and so much Vitality is able to flow when there’s safety. You know, like it’s, we’ve heard so many times about women who weren’t able to get pregnant right?

When they were like working and they took some time off from work, and then they’re able to conceive, you know, I think it’s like the body’s like, okay, the, this can flow now. Like it’s safe to have, you know, safe to have children and all of that. Oh, that’s a huge one where I’ve actually worked with several women and couples who can’t get pregnant and sometimes there is some safety within themselves.

Not even like a work, a work environment, but maybe one of the partners hasn’t looked at some anger from their past and they’re quick to anger in, in small situations and it scares the other partner or it scares them. And when they actually look at. . And for me, when they find it in their body, they look at it, they find it in their body, and they, they comment.

Then pregnancy or conception is, is much more possible. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I think that safety, the lack of safety causes so many issues just, just in our society within, but in, within the family structure. If a, if one person doesn’t feel safe to. If their parent is overbearing, like looking at all their texts wanting to know everybody and everything that they’re doing I think that it can, you know, that creates this boundary of lack of safety between the parent and the child.

And I work with a lot of teens who. Once they have that safety and the parent realizes they can back off that their kid is safe, even if they don’t hover mm-hmm. You know, huge, huge changes can be made and, you know more deeper relationships can be found. And I, I find the same thing with teams in leadership in in company leadership that a lot of.

Lack of communication, lack of lack of trust, and the lack of being able to come together as a partnership or as you know, creating these alliances within a high level leadership happens because of these misunderstandings. And then when they actually look at it, that they can change the whole dynamic of an entire company by one or two or three leaders.

Actually, actually actually trusting each other. Mm-hmm. and those are so cool to, to watch that evolve and it can evolve so quickly. Like, you know, like once you tap that one, The one reason maybe that they’re not communicating, and both sides recognize their responsibility and that lack of trust for each other and why it happened and how they can start from right now, then forgiveness happens very quickly and all of a sudden it’s a.

You know, some amazing changes can happen within a company, and that’s like the energy that happens just all of a sudden there’s trust. All of a sudden there’s mm-hmm. . It’s like, wow, how did that happen? And it truly is if you, if the leaders of a family and leaders of a corporation show trust in themselves and in one other person.

Same with the, one of my favorite trust conversations as one of my football players I worked with. Who was having a hard time getting his team to just work together and he started touching everyone on the shoulder and saying, Hey, I trust you man. And it’s the cutest story because they would, I said, they’re gonna look at you weird.

And they did. They were like, alright. But within two weeks, They were all touching each other on the pads and saying, I trust you, man. I don’t trust you, man. Trust you too. And it was so amazing what it created and with in just a, it was like the last couple of games of the season, but they did really, really well.

And besides doing well, besides winning, they loved each other. And I think that those players now are lifetime friends. It was just interesting how that just the tr the, the spreading and. Is like that energy and just goes, whoop, and it’s so amazing. Yeah. Like change the culture so quickly. Yeah. That’s beautiful.

So, so I found it really interesting that you mentioned leaders and families and you know, in your drawing some parallels between organizations and family systems. And I, at the beginning of this conversation I talked about some Like kind of hidden or underlying some deeper phenomena that we see in systems that when those are in place, it enables love to flow through the system.

And I’m wondering if I could share Lexi a couple, if I could share a couple of those. Hey Lexi? Yeah, sure. I missed I missed the last 30 seconds. So we talked, you said that your, it cut out. So we, the last thing I heard you say is like, I like the parallel that you brought between family systems and leadership systems.

Okay. And then, and then it cut out. Okay. So I’ll start again. Yeah. So I love the parallel that you’re making, the connection you’re making, Ruth, with family systems and. Organizations because at the beginning of this conversation I mentioned that there are some deeper phenomena that we see in family systems and how when those are present, it enables love to flow for everyone.

And I’m wondering if I could share three of those. Cause I feel like they’d be interesting you know, for this conversation and for your community. Yes, please. So, The first natural law or phenomena that we see in family systems, and these are all true that they need to be honored in organizations as well, and that’s why I’m so excited that you brought organizations into this conversation.

So the first phenomena that we see, or kind of natural law or order is called the Order of Belonging. And it’s everyone who. ever been part of a system has the right to belong to that system. You can never act as though someone never existed. There needs to be an acknowledgement that they were part of the system.

And so in families, how we can see this get out of whack is, let’s say it’s a very religious family and one of the grown children is Is a homosexual and is banished from the family and they want to act like that person doesn’t exist anymore. You can’t do that. That person has a right to belong to the system, and if someone is like excommunicated from the family or tried to be erased from the family, it will cause problems with later generations where someone will carry the burden of that homosexual ancestor or of whoever.

Erased, forgotten, ignored, cut out. Later generations will carry burdens for them and they may actually feel like they don’t belong. They’ll just have a sense that they don’t belong to life, they don’t belong to the family system. And it’s because the family, that intelligent energy field is maintaining this memory of who was a part of this system.

And how the family system needs to write this problem that someone was like, cut out of the family. This is fascinating, Lexi, because the word belonging in what I do Mm. Is they don’t, if someone doesn’t feel belong, like they belong or any belonging, that’s actually a word in my, in my, my stuff that I use.

Mm-hmm. , their low back could hurt their sacrum, could have issue. They might have painful periods, they might have Hard time digesting things cuz they don’t want to actually digest this issue or they don’t want to assimilate it into their body. So there’ll be problems right in that area of the low back, right where the belt is.

Anything in there, there’s so many, you know, there’s a large intestine, there’s the liver, so there’s possibly some anger issues. There’s. The kidneys, which hold fear. The worry is in the front of the stomach. So like it’s a huge area. And then it goes down into our sexual organs and into the bottom of the like sciatic pain.

Not belonging is like, you know. Yeah. Huge. Those, those go hand in hand. And I love what you’re telling us. What’s number two? Number two is the order of precedence. There needs to be an acknowledgement of who came into the system first. So for example, if you have parent two parents and children, the parents get a divorce, say, and then one of the parent remarries, well the new spouse and.

Parent who remarried can’t act as though the previous spouse never existed. There needs to be an acknowledgement that she or he came first, that they were the first love or the first spouse and the parent of the children. You can’t just act like you know the people that come into the system later. Are, were there first.

And so it’s similar in companies where you’ll have people come in and they’re can be very judgmental of the previous leadership and not honor, okay, maybe I do things differently than the previous leadership, but this leadership was here first and so I need to honor that they were here before me. And it can, it can be really simple.

It’s just an acknowledgement of precedence. It’s the same with parents. Coming into a system before the children. And so what creates good health in a family system is when the parents tend to their relationship dynamic before their relationship dynamic with the children. You know, you’ll hear about parents, like moms, especially just.

Suddenly kind of connecting with their children and forgetting about their husband and, you know, for a little while, right after the child’s born. Those kinds of things are, you know, hormonally kind of wired in and it’s understandable, but if that goes on too long, the relationship’s gonna, the husband and wife, the parents are gonna start really struggling because they’re not attending to their dynamic first.

So there needs to be an acknowledgement of who came into the system first and tending to those relationships. Wow, that’s, that’s so important. I think we know that’s important, but I’m, I’m loving hearing this in this order of natural law. Mm-hmm. . So that would be, for me, that would be in communication, so their neck, and then I would say that would be at the power area, which is right under the rib.

So, and it fits same area. So like that could cause issues there in their body. Someone is too powerful. They usually have pain in the middle of their back and they’re also not communicating. So they could be either have neck pain and that neck pain causes like headache, jaw pain sinus headaches migraines.

All kinds of issues that the neck can cause when they’re not communicating. And so this is fascinating, Lexi. I love how this goes together. And the natural law, we don’t, we don’t pay attention to the natural law. Sometimes we like it to go away. Like it doesn’t matter to me, it doesn’t apply to our family.

And that’s an interesting Yeah. And our, and our society doesn’t really support us with that at all. You know, we’ve, we’re such a melt melting pot, especially in the United States. We’re such a melting pot a melting pot, and we don’t have a lot of customs to honor our elders, to really maintain good health in our, in our systems, in our structure.

So it’s interesting. So some more. What are some traditions that you would recommend that could help honor our elders? Well, there are certain rituals that will suggest in family and systemic constellation therapy. One of them is vow to your parents and to your elders. So, you know, in the Bible it’s honor their mother and father.

There’s a lot of wisdom and health in that. And so honoring your mother and father, how we see it is not about saying, Hey, you’re narcissistic and toxic and abusive. Let me get real close to you and take all that on and be your punching bag. It’s not about that. It’s, it’s actually like we can take distance if we need to from our parents, you know, but it’s being able to.

The truth of how our life comes to us. Our life comes to us through our mother and father. It can’t come to us through anyone else. And we need to understand that our parents are bigger than we are and they can carry their own burdens. So if our, our parents have anger issues, if they have grief, if they are toxic if they.

Unmet needs, whatever those things are. If we bow to our parents, we are saying, this is for you to carry. You’re big. I’m little. I’m just putting myself in the river of life so that I can receive life for us. I can receive belonging, I can receive love, I can receive prosperity. I can receive the essential energies that come from source down the family lines through you to me, but I can’t carry.

The bigger burdens that are yours to, to shoulder. Wow. That is, that’s amazing. I, my family, we do honor our, our parents and we have them around quite a bit, but my kids have been complaining that we don’t have rituals and traditions based on that or like, you know, really honoring that mm-hmm. . And so I, I’m gonna implement some right now and, and see how that, how we can really.

Cuz it is, it’s really important I think. Not just, and, and how, what do you say about dyslexia? Like if, what if it’s not like our parents, but still they’re honoring in our life, you know, they’re maybe teachers or they’re godparents or neighbors or somehow important you know, adults important mentors.

How do we do we honor them in the same? Well, it’s not the same way cuz it’s not as deep. But we do honor them. We can bow to them with respect. And you know, when I say bow and I talk about the ritual of bowing, that is a ritual that we do a lot in this particular kind of work. Like we actually physically bow.

But, but the, the word bow can also be a sorry. Was there a, a problem with the. No. Well, my I keep getting notifications and Okay. And I haven’t turned those off and I really don’t know how. So I’m just laughing at myself that I’m, that I can’t turn it off right now and it’s dinging in my ear, Uhhuh, and I’m sorry to I won’t make a face.

I’m just trying to, I’m just slapping myself for not having turned that off and I don’t know. How do you know? You know how, I don’t know. It depends what kind of computer you’re on and what notifications and everything. If they’re Chrome or computer ones or Right. . There it goes again. Can you hear that? No.

Okay, good. Okay, good. , I thought it was bothering you, but if you can’t hear it, we’re good. No, I can’t hear it. Okay, I’ll take that off. . So. So I was talk, I was talking about bowing and it may just be hard for your, for Leo to edit it or whoever was, whoever used it. So yeah. So talk about traditions, about maybe men, how to, how to bowing.

You’re saying, you know, physically to bow, like even to mentors and appearance, but how how does that, how is that involved with like daily living? Can we bow without, Yeah, so that’s what I was gonna say. So it can be symbolic too. So what is an act of honoring, what’s an act of acknowledging? So really acknowledging not only the presence of our mentors or our elders and our life, but also acknowledging how the, they’ve impacted us.

So the impact that they’ve had on us is, you know, very healing. It’s very bonding. It’s really. Putting things in their proper order and helping everyone to feel their value in the system. So how does one, so if you’re just doing acknowledgement and it’s not a bow is it just just actually word of acknowledgement or how does one create that honor?

It could be a quick note. Right? Just a, a note that you send to them. It could be Putting something of them on your mantle, or if you have an altar on your altar, it could be just acknowledging them when you’re with them saying, you know, you were the first person that told me I could do that, and I wanted you to know how much that meant to me.

You know? Okay. So those are great. Yeah. And if there’s someone in our life that we love who suffer. We can tell them in honor of what you went through, I’m gonna do something special. I’m gonna do something special in honor of you and in honor of what you went through. And that can help them feel like what they went through isn’t in vain.

It’s not causing more suffering down the line for you and your children, but it’s actually creating something positive moving forward that is very interest. So if someone has a family with a homosexual kid mm-hmm. . And so they are, how do they, how does, if a parent is having trouble assimilating or accepting their child, but they’re ready to acknowledge energetically pro, perhaps, or, or just they’re starting the, the process of acknowledgement.

How, how do they have to do it to the person? Can they do it just generally in like, in a prayer? , you know what I mean? Like how did, how can they start that? I, I hear this conversation, you know, that they’re not, there’s, there’s a break in the family mm-hmm. because of something like that. Not just that, you know, maybe there’s an abusive person and they don’t wanna, and they, there’s this break where they, you know, you’re abusive, so you have to stay over here, or you are, you know, whatever the, you know, the something that they’re shaming this person for.

Mm-hmm. , but then they’re like, okay, I, I love you again. Or I want to. Start accepting you again into the family. How does that how does that, what’s the beginning steps for that? Yeah. Well, it’s real different for abuse versus if someone’s homosexual or someone has a lifestyle choice you don’t agree with or that kind of thing.

Right. So if you’re a parent, yeah. You know, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but Yeah, for like religion or, yeah. So not going to church anymore. And then the parents do go to church. That’s very common right now, Uhhuh. And you have the, so how do you, how do you do this again? Sorry to interrupt. Yeah. Well really it is the parent’s job to kind of work things out, you know, work out their ability to.

So it starts with them. Correct. It really does. Yeah. You know. Okay. I just wanna confirm that I’m, I, I feel that on my side too, and like that’s, but I just wanted to confirm with you as a therapist, knowing that, and just going through that with people, it is prevalent in our society at the moment. So how do we create love and kindness through this painful, but doesn’t need to be painful type of situation?

I mean, that is just with, with differences of opinions, but, If someone is abusive, I totally agree. Or if they’ve, that’s very, very different. Mm-hmm. . And but in the case of just having different opinions, even even political opinions, people are like, entire families are like splits. Like what? Or yeah.

So to bring that together, the parent needs to begin the healing process. It’s what I’ve seen as phenomena. What I’ve seen is, The children can love their parent unconditionally, but they can’t. The parent just has innately has more power. In the family system because parents are big and children are small.

Parents came into the system first and they’re larger than their children. Which actually brings me to the third phenomena that I wanted to share today, or the third natural law, or we call them orders which has to do with reciprocity. And so typically in relationships we see there’s a sacred reciprocity, right?

You and I are friends, Ruth, you give something to me, I need to give something back to you. And on on we go like that, giving to one another and it creates a healthy flow. It, it increases our bond, our trust, all of that. Well, in family systems, parents are giving so much to their children. Children can’t possibly give.

To their parents, what’s been given to them. So the way reciprocity works in family systems is that parents give to their children. Children take, and then those children grow up and give to their children. I see. I, and then their children grow up, give to the next generation. And so that’s how we see reciprocity flowing properly in the family system dynamic.

and inherent in that is this understanding that parents are big and children are small, and so what we see is that life force flows to us from source, like a river flows down a mountain because every ancestor is larger than their children. Right, so it creates this mountain. And so it’s like life force is flowing from source down that mountain through our parents to us and to our children.

And so when we are talking about things like where the parent isn’t accepting the children, parents need to be able to be big enough to carry what’s theirs, to carry their. Prejudices to carry their own healing work that they have to do without putting that on the children. And we see that, or the terminology that we use in this work in family and systemic constellation therapy is that our elders are always greater than us.

Our ancestors are always greater than us. And so if you think of the word, great, meaning big, you know, they were able to give birth to. We couldn’t give birth to ourselves. They’re bigger than us, they’re greater than us, but we and our children will take the line further than it’s ever gone before. And in that way we become great too.

Okay, interesting. So these children that are maybe homosexual or exploring gender non-binary stuff or are exploring stepping out of religions or everything, We need to understand that’s part of them taking the line into a new horizon, into more evolution, into a new future. And so there really needs to be, you know, a, a respect for, for both positions, the elder’s position and the children’s position.

Right. So if the I, I, I really get that and I, I like how the, the mountain is created by the bigger, and then it comes down and respecting both sides, but starting with the parent is what, is what I’ve seen, you know? If ju if there’s judgment, if there’s. unkindness. If there’s a lack of love, it’s going to affect the children and the children can’t really do anything to change their parents.

So if there’s gonna be healing in that relationship, the parent needs to really step into their role of doing that. Okay, well these are amazing. So the first three, which I can imagine, The next two are really good too. So the order of belonging, the order of precedence, and then is it called the order of reciprocity?

Yeah, it’s called like the Orders of Love are what these phenomena or natural laws are called. And so the first one is, the first order is belonging, the second order is precedence, and the third order is reciprocity. Nice. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , and when those are, when those are in place. You’ll find love flows naturally when you feel that your parents are bigger than you.

You know, think about children whose parents are confiding in them and who they are. Their parents aren’t able to pay the mortgage, or they’re having affairs and tell, telling the kids about it and getting ’em all, you know, involved in stuff. Totally dysfunctional, totally harmful for the children. So change that and see parents who.

Self-responsible, keeping their private matters to themselves. They’re getting their own therapy work, they’re getting their own support systems to deal with their personal stuff. Then the children are free to just be children, you know, and they can move along healthy developmental lines until they’re grown up and then do the same for the next generation.

So what we see is when. These orders are in place that love tends to flow effortlessly. People tend to feel healthy. You know, similar I guess to how you were talking about like walking and stuff, and I imagine how the skeletal system and the muscular system, when that structure is properly in place, it supports the health, is health of the system and the energy through the meridians and the blood flow, all of.

Exactly. It’s interesting because yeah, I would, I would call it alignment. Mm. Love that. You know, if you have alignment like that and then you have alignment through the natural laws and natural orders, you know, you’re gonna be really powerful and, you know, flow really well and communicate really well and influence really effectively.

And it’s interesting cuz the blocks of money, you know, money coming to us as an. Or it, it’s stopped by, it can be stopped by any of these. And also our relationship with God like that can also be stopped by any of these steps that are not in, not in line, not aligned, not flowing well. And so we can feel stuck and kind of like our, we don’t know our purpose or we don’t feel deserving if some of these are blocked.

And I think. What you just mentioned, this really helps me because I can pinpoint several people who have explained one of these three not being in line and, and then their body won’t heal and like simple injuries, you know, an elbow injury, neck injury, but that it, it’s chronic after a while. And you know, they’ve tried everything with the western medicine style of helping the body.

which is amazing, but sometimes it misses the point or it miss misses the mark. Mm-hmm. , and then the person is left with you know, how to support, how to heal. And I think these are amazing. Like they can really help people maybe understand like self-study and say, oh wait, maybe that would be better if I, if I You know, didn’t tell my kids all my problems.

Maybe we’d have a better relationship or they would feel stronger, maybe if I could you know, whatever it is. So there’s a lot of ways that we can get in line with these orders. And also your body, like learning to walk. If you go to a physical therapist or personal trainer or someone who can teach you that there’s gate therapists that teach you how to just have your, you know, healed toe.

And there’s some of us that, that don’t. That, that’s a very basic example, but it’s, it’s a huge example cuz we all walk most, you know, 99% of us walk every day and if we’re lucky enough, right? Mm-hmm. To walk, to be able to walk, and the it’s very important. So it’s interesting how these basics of being a human are very challenging.

You know, they’re very challenging and I, I wished a lot of this was in kindergarten, you know, or. grade school, at least we learned how to, like, I was, you know, at a, at like a Southwest flight, you, you, you line up, you know, what number are you, you know, it always feels like I’m in kindergarten, like I oh, 22.

Okay. I’m, I’m number 23, so I’m behind you, . It’s very simple, but it, it makes life flow easier. And so that’s another simple example, but it’s really important. So I love these orders, Lexi. Very amazing. Anything else you wanna share with us? Just, you know, I know these are really deep, you know, concepts and deep things to work with, and I’m saying them like, you know, it’s a yeah, just a, a quick thing and it can come out like kind of like a judgmental morality thing.

And it’s really not, and. . So I invite, you know, any listeners if they’ve heard something that is triggering, you know, about parents being big and children being small or, you know, those kinds of things to definitely to reach out to me, happy to talk to anyone about it, help them kind of understand how it may or may not apply to.

Well said, well said. And, and also just to, you know, kind of an invitation for everyone to take what you’ve heard today and see how it can be helpful for your life. And if it doesn’t feel helpful, just let it drop away because like I said, these are kind of deeper concepts, and if we were. Working together or you know, we were all together in a workshop.

We could, I could show and point out things that would enable you to see it, see this kind of stuff in action. And so because we’re not able to do that, we’re just having a short conversation, if anything feels like a moral judgment to just let it, you know, that’s not helpful. Just kind of let it disappear from your mind.

But hopefully you can like connect with the truth. The way some of these might be moving in your, your own system and in your own life. No. Well said. I mean, these, these are deep concepts and they’re, we don’t, I wish we had more open conversations as a society where we could I like how crocodile Dundee says to talk to your.

Long ago, but if, I’m so sure some of you have never seen that, but there’s, it’s just a cute, you know, just to talk to our friends and sometimes it’s not it’s, it’s a, it’s not a safe space. So I, I wish, I wish that we had more safe spaces in our, in our friendships and in our families to have deep discussions.

But that’s why we’re here, Lexi, because it’s not easy and these things can trigger a lot of. You know, like, oh a lot of things and a lot of us, and I too am here to support and, and so how do we get ahold of you if they do want to communicate with you or learn more or find out more how to work with you, how do they do that?

So you can come to my website, lexi cecils.com or my Instagram account, which is@lexi.su. Okay, great. Now we’re gonna have all of these in our show notes. Could you spell Lexi Suos for people if they can’t get to the show notes, please? Sure. So Lexi is l e x i and Suos is sole, so s o u l and then i o s s o u l i o s.

Perfect, perfect. I one more question for our short conversation today, and that is, can we do this? Will you meet me again? Yes, , absolutely. I’d love to. Yeah. Yeah. I so respect you and you know, I could see the impacts of you. You were working with people at the conference that we were at, and everyone was raving about your work and, you know, I could see the impact you were having on them.

So it’s, yeah, it’s an honor to be able to connect with you here and have this kind of a conversation together. Oh, thank you. Thank you for saying that Lexi. And also I feel like we’ve unpacked about one of many, many boxes that we could talk about. And it’s so fascinating. I’d like to see how we can help more people and talk about more things that are really interesting that people may not have ever considered.

So it’s just an honor to have you here and I can’t wait to have you here again. Hmm. Thank you so much, Ruth. Same. So glad to be here. Yes. Alright, everybody, thank you so much for being here and we will see you next time.

Thank you for listening to Your Body Advocate with Ruth Cummings. We are so glad you’ve joined us today, and truly believe you can live a pain-free, passion filled life. To connect with Ruth, work with Ruth, or to grab your free ebook, go to ruth cummings.com. We’d love to hear from you. Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe so you don’t miss our next episode.

Until next time, friends, be open. Include the unin included, think outside the box, and spread love and kindness. One smile at a time.