Humans need touch, especially in the younger years. There are some wonderful articles about the study of how touch makes big differences in our perception of being loved.
And, it’s our job to show them what SAFE TOUCH looks & feels like.
Related Articles:
The Power of Touch , Psychology Today
Holding Your Baby Close: The Importance of Touch in Infancy and Beyond , The Green Child Magazine
Hands On Research: The Science Of Touch , Berkeley EDU
Teens are smelly, but they still need gentle, loving affection
It’s such a weird time in their lives with all the changes they are going through! We laugh about it later, but its truly amazing what their bodies are experiencing all at the same time!!
Many families shy away from touching each other and make boundaries very iron clad.
Iron clad boundaries around touch are hugely important. But so is kind, gentle touch from your family. It’s also important, within these iron clad boundaries around touch, to learn how to snuggle, hug, wrestle appropriately.
A touch on the shoulder, rub on the back; a simple hug or long high five, these can all be extremely important for any teen AND parent.
Teens still love to cuddle. Try this as much as you can, when appropriate. I still jump on them and then snuggle for a few minutes. This always disperses tension!
You can also give them a massage! Even just their neck, or their feet, back or hands!
Kind, gentle touch can close huge communication chasms with your kids, even when they seem too far to gap. Try a quick touch on their shoulder to start, and hopefully you’ll be cuddling on the couch, watch a fun comedy in no time.
If they jump away, have patience, and again, try not to take this personally.
Put in the time to start slowly and work your way from a shoulder touch to a hug.
For me, as a massage therapist as their mom, I put a lot of thought into touch, and try to touch them each day to show them love with gentle touch without words.
Then, on those days where I feel too angry, sad or scared to talk to them, I can still touch their back or shoulder and this can disperse some intense anger or tension without a single word being spoken.
If you haven’t tried touch yet, I highly recommend you give it a try, slowly, if you are having a hard time communicating with your teen.